Blood out…Blood in… HEH

*edit*–I was reading the blogs on my blogroll as I do every day. Yesterday I found a guy who was abused and I read some of his blog entries and put him on my blogroll. I went to read him today and saw his latest post–it included such kind words about me and a link here to my blog. It brought me to tears and I want to link to that post. Thank you Donnie! The post is here! Now back to your regularly scheduled reading! hah


I am sitting here doing my stupid dialysis. I was an hour late getting started–We usually get it going by 8:00 am on Mon., Wed, and Fri., but I was so tired this morning, still drained from this chest thing I have, that I begged Kev to let me sleep until 9:00. I woke up coughing up blood tinged—stuff. YUCK. I am pretty sure now I have pneumonia again. I am trying to wait it out until Friday when I have my doctor’s appointment. If the blood gets any heavier, I will have to go before then *le sigh*. Ahh, Kevin just brought my coffee to me…it is a routine on dialysis day. I tend to get headaches from it, we think it might be that cleaning my blood might put me into caffeine withdrawal, so the coffee does help a little. I still get mild headaches, leg cramps and shit. I hope that it finally gets easier to take, I don’t know. Blah.

I am still worried about what the doctor is going to tell me on Friday about my Tramadol. I really don’t think I could take the withdrawals from it–and I know my life will be hell with NO pain meds at all in my system *SIGH*. Just pray that either he can keep writing them, since they aren’t a really strong narcotic OR that my “fairy godmother(father)” comes through and I can go to pain management (which would be the ultimate help for me). I have had numerous people say “Kevin has money, why can’t HE pay for your pain management?”, well–go read his blog HERE and you will see why he can’t. I have checked all over my area, there are NO programs to help me. I am not eligible for Medcaid until the stupid government declares me “disabled”. WHAT THE FUCK more do they have to see? I have terminal leukemia, I am on dialysis, I have COPD, I have DDD (severe degenerative disk disease), my heart isn’t pumping blood like it should, yet they want to keep fighting me. My mother says they are just waiting for me to die so they won’t have to pay me all that back pay they owe me. WHATEVER, I would gladly say “Screw the back pay, just give me my monthly check and my MEDICAID”. That medicaid is worth it’s weight in gold to me. 😦 Not only would it pay for most of my medications, it would pay for my doctor visits, pain management, any hospitalizations or tests I might need. It will also pay for people to come to my home and help me with things, like cleaning house, monitoring my blood  pressure, diabetes, etc., etc. All help I really could use!

I am lucky that my doctors only charge me 15.00 an office visit, but unfortunately the pain management doctor won’t do that, so I am just screwed unless someone comes through to help me. They “can’t” help me with pain meds unless I see the pain management doctor, BUT if/when I decide to go off of dialysis they have told me that they will get hospice in and they will give me all the pain meds I need to “keep me comfortable” until I die (which would be 10-14 days after stopping dialysis). So they will give me pain meds if I give up and say “Fuck it”, but they won’t give me pain meds to help me live *SIGH*. Ah well. We will see what happens, huh?

I am off today, no DJing, Wednesdays are my usual day off. I had someone just send me an IM wanting me to DJ on New Year’s Eve to help with an online party they are having, New Year’s Eve falls on my day off, so I will have to see if I can get one of the DJ’s to switch shifts with me. Let’s see if they will. Hell I can’t go out and party on New Year’s Eve, why not ring it in with Kev, my wife D and my listeners? 😀

Ok I am tired of typing right now. More later.

4 Responses to “Blood out…Blood in… HEH”

  1. 1 D
    December 10, 2008 at 1:27 pm

    I love you honey.
    That was very kind of Donny to mention you in his blog. I’m always glad to see you appreciated for your life, and for who you are. You are so great.
    I also like the name of this blog… it’s catchy and weird, like you, like me!
    I really do hope something comes through for you. I know it’s taking you through enormous stress, a thing you need so very little of… Ironically, I’m in big trouble these days myself and am scrambling for any penny that rolls my way. But I will say this to your readers, and I know it’s nervy but hey, I’m nervy…

    Readers of V’s blog:
    Please, if you can help V with a donation, contact me or him and your donation will be so very much appreciated. Times are very hard, and harder so for this wonderful man who has gone through so much trouble and pain… if you are someone, even an anonymous stranger who CAN help, please help. V needs meds. The government has turned on him. The system provides nothing for someone like V… he’s our brother, he can’t be that heavy, after all… If you can help, please arrange it with me or V. Thank you.

  2. 2 Mr. Fabulous
    December 10, 2008 at 3:02 pm

    I love you sweetness! Somehow everything is going to be ok, we just have to keep praying! Let’s go to the store! LOL

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