the darkness

The darkness came over me
Faceless, relentless
It’s weight slowly crushing me
It laughs, it taunts me
As it takes away the things I love
The darkness eats away at me
It slowly shrouds me in it’s blackness
Now I am the faceless one
No longer the boy I was before
Forgotten, pitied
I cry
Trying to push through
To rip the shroud that covers me
That makes me invisible
But the fight is in vain
No one sees me anymore
I have become the darkness
I am defined by it
I am cancer….

© V

Good night.


4 Responses to “the darkness”

  1. 1 kate1975
    May 22, 2009 at 12:16 am

    Hi V,

    I see you. You still shine through the darkness. And it is a beautiful thing to see.

    Good and healing thoughts to you.


  2. 2 scythe
    May 22, 2009 at 11:03 am

    YOU ARE NOT INVISIBLE. I see you. People see you. Rip the shroud of darkness off yourself so that you can SEE that you are seen. Nobody is deserting you. Nobody is ignoring you. I’m here…you have people here on this blog who are very interested in you. You are not defined by cancer…if you speak about cancer, then people will respect this about you, but you must not limit your own self to think that this is all you are to others. It’s just not true. You are what you give to people…open your heart and don’t be afraid…you aren’t cancer, you only think you are because it’s taken so much of your life…but it hasn’t taken all of it. And you are not forgotten. You are not pushed aside. And there are so many people who DO care about you.

    You are right, nobody knows what it’s like to be you. Nobody knows the fight you fight everyday…but you ARE loved. You are probably more loved than many of the people who love you are.

    Take my suggestion: write the good stories of your life. Write about what makes you so happy. Write and tell your faithful readers about your band, your happy things… your entire life was not all abuse and cancer…and even if it was, you DID have happy times. Talk about this. Show yourself and the world what you really are made of. Tell the world about your amazing talent, your piano playing. Don’t talk about your abusive piece of shit ‘dad’ unless you absolutely HAVE to get it off your chest. If you don’t want to be defined by what is negative, then play up the positive and become defined by that. Because you are NOT cancer.

    Your recipe blog is brilliant. It’s wonderful and it shows a terrific side of you that definitely keeps you far from being able to say, “I am cancer.” No, you’re not cancer. You are many, many wonderful things. Yes, you’ve been abused and Yes you have cancer but that’s NOT ALL YOU ARE. Tell your friends, those who you believe have deserted you when in fact we’re all right here waiting, waiting with healing and helpful things to give you freely…tell us who you really are…tell us that you’ve written and composed classical music, put up some of your artwork…SHOW your friends who you really are!! You are NOT cancer. Cancer is cancer. It’s a disease. You have it. I had it. It sucks. But you have a life. You have a wife, a best friend, kids… and you have devoted friends who give you money and time and endless amounts of love. You are NOT cancer! You are someone that many people LOVE and support. We stick by your side through thick and thin to try with all our hearts to make your life a better one. WE SEE YOU!! Can you see us? Can you see the ones who LOVE YOU, how hard we try to make the sunshine come out for you when all you see is dark?

    No one has forgotten you.
    No one defines you as cancer. You do.
    WE love you. I love you. Your friends love you.
    This is IT…this is the shroud being pulled off. Now open your eyes and SEE us SEEING YOU. We LOVE YOU.

    I love you.

  3. May 22, 2009 at 12:57 pm

    You are not defined by what has happened to you. You are defined by your mind, heart and soul. You have been able to reach out and touch so many people even though you have autism. You have lived a life in search of happiness and you have it in the people that love and care for you. When I have read D and Kevins blogs I can see that you have made such a wonderful impact in their lives that they will give all they can and more. But money and material things mean nothing, they give you time, love and understanding and not just anyone would have people that could or would do that. SO to them you are you. Not cancer not abuse not invisible. How many of the people in your life who have done you wrong, would have people around them that would give so much and only ask to be loved.

    You have probably found out who your true friends and loved ones are. That are the ones that are at your side holding your hand guiding you through this hard time in your life. Then when you have gone, you will be able to do the same in return to them from your place in heaven, till you are all together again and healed.

    You have never been autisim, abuse or cancer you have been a very smart talented man who has a pure heart no matter how hard people have tried to destroy it. You have been strength, passion, thoughtfull, intellegent, caring, giving and talented. These are the things that define you not the things forced on you.

    • 4 scythe
      May 22, 2009 at 11:24 pm

      “But money and material things mean nothing, they give you time, love and understanding and not just anyone would have people that could or would do that.”
      that made me cry. thank you.

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