from one abused child to another…to another…….

I’ve been in a heavy state of thinking all weekend…I had something happen to me, which I don’t think I am ready to say to the public just yet, but it made me realize a few things…

I now know what was wrong with Michael Jackson. Everyone always saying he had plastic surgery to “look like Diana Ross”…to “look like his sisters”….”Because he didn’t want to look like his father.” Well, I know now why he did what he did. He had Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Body Dsymorphic Disorder is a serious illness. I was diagnosed with it when I was young. Symptoms are having a problem with the way you look, being preoccupied with imaginary flaws…usually of the hair, skin, nose, facial lines, etc. Having a lot of anxiety over ones looks…getting cosmetic surgery, spending too much time focusing on the “flaws”, excessive grooming, suicidal thoughts, social phobias, shy, neurotic…you get the picture..

Most people with BDD think they are “ugly” or that people will be mean to them because of the imagined flaws. With me, I hated being PRETTY. I felt my looks caused my abuse and I dreamed of ways to ruin myself so I would be considered “untouchable” and the abuse would stop. I still think of cutting up my face to ruin it…..some days it’s hard to get through with out doing it. So I cut other parts of my body…

Body Dysmorphic Disorder is considered an Obsessive Compusive Disorder, which I was also diagnosed with at a young age. I am sure Michael was OCD…

Over 75% of people with BDD (mild or severe) report being abused as children.

In my case, I cut, I scar…I have fantasies of cutting my face up so I will be “ugly” to people and they won’t abuse me anymore. I think for Michael he wanted to be anything but the boy who was abused, who was pushed to be perfect…I also think Michael was sexually abuse…I KNOW he was. I feel it…as someone who is a survivor.

After seeing Joe Jackson’s interview it really hit me just how much of an asshole he is. I mean we ALL know he abused Michael, he admitted it himself…but do we really know HOW far it went? I think it went further than anyone can imagine and I HOPE one day, one of the kids speaks out…I hope they free themselves of the secrets in that family.

No matter what YOU think of Michael Jackson, if you think of the life he led, the way he was put out there to perform (IN PERFECTION) at such a young age, the way the boys were beaten by their father if they weren’t perfect…you have to feel bad for Michael. Again, I came to a lot of realizations this weekend that I just can’t discuss right now, but I feel a kin-ship with Michael now…I feel bad for him and I am sorry he died such a tragic death and now his leech of a father is going to use his death to try and make more money for himself. Hell I wouldn’t be surprised if the bastard tired to sell autospy photos of his SON…

Ok I am a bit upset right now, I just exposed some stuff about myself that was extremely difficult. I need to go spend time with my wife and feel better…..

Please, don’t be spouting mean things on this post, it will just piss me off. If you can’t say anything nice right now about M.J. just don’t say anything at all.

3 Responses to “from one abused child to another…to another…….”

  1. June 30, 2009 at 9:00 am

    i definaltly agreee with you on what you think happened to him. He had what appears to be an eating disorder and a drug problem. His father and micheal had reported that there was abuse that went on when he was growing up. At first when I heard of his death I though oh good another pedofile gone but I now say sorry for that as over the last few days I have seen more and more footage of micheals interviews of around the time he was arrested.What I saw was a man who honestly did not believe what he was doing was wrong. As to weather he had sex with these kids we may never know but all we know for sure is that he loved these kids and saw nothing wrong with sharing a bed. If he was doing something wrong he would have tried to hide it. I feel for his soul and I think its a real shame he was such a tortured soul and I do believe his father is to blame and how much is his mother to blame. Is she still with Joe which now makes me fear for michaels children.

  2. 2 3starjimmy
    June 30, 2009 at 1:15 pm

    There was definitely Trama That he dealt with Through out his Life. Something Drasticly changed during The Early 90’s with Michael to a Point where You almost didn’t recognize him.
    Ask most celebs that knew him and They don’t see anything that was Wrong with him. I’ve seen him change (We all Have) so Much,It Seemed like he Hated the Image he saw when he Looked in The Mirror.
    He’s been pushed into the Spotlight so much of his Life,But was never able to Just… disappear.
    There has been talk about “Enablers” and They reference his Doctors and Such.
    Was his Family Blind ? Could they not see what was happening ?
    He didn’t get to this Point overnight !
    There was Lots of Signs that he had a Problem and neeeded help.
    I can go on and on about this, But I won’t…..
    I totally understand what You mean, ~V.
    Thank God,Now He’ll be Recognized as The Genius he was ,Yet there still people wanting to make a $$$ off him.
    He will finally have some Peace.

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