it begins…..again.

cancerSUCKSWell they started my continous chemo drip this morning…I’m already feeling kind of shitty, I hate these awful meds running through my system. I DO NOT want to lose my hair GOD 😦 . I guess I will find out in about 2 weeks, huh?

I will do 4 days of the continous drip, then 3 days off and taking Prednisone. I hate steroids too, they make me VERY emotional, make me want to eat everything in sight. My oldest said they turn me into a bitch HAHAHA. This cycle will go on for 6 weeks. I HOPE it gets everything under control. GOD I have fought this shit for almost 10 years now.

Sometimes I get sick of fighting, but then I look at my wife, my kids, my family and I HAVE to keep trying…if I was alone, no family, I would just let nature take it’s course and finally be free of not only this disease, but my “Dad”. WOW, how nice that would feel, to be disease and pain free…to be rid of the monster in my life (aka–“Dad”). To be healed and have no scars on my body….ah one day. One day we will ALL be perfect again, happy and FREE. That will be wonderful, huh?

I had to go to the grocery store today for my monthly shop. I didn’t even make it halfway through the store and I was so weak I could barely walk. I am stubborn and REALLY don’t want to have to use my wheelchair or one of those motorized carts at the store, but it seems I am going to have to swallow my pride and use ’em, because right now I am in a LOT  of pain and so weak. YUCK, YUCK!!!!!

Ok enough complaining. I am alive, I have my family and I have love, so I AM happy…

I’m out…

4 Responses to “it begins…..again.”

  1. 1 3starjimmy
    July 6, 2009 at 4:20 pm

    I admire Your positive outlook and Your So right.
    Your a remarkable person V,Don’t Stop fighting.

  2. July 7, 2009 at 4:03 am

    Our thoughts are with you. I hope this treatment will give you some relief.

    Maria & Austin

  3. 3 D
    July 7, 2009 at 7:17 am

    Oh baby…this AGAIN. I wish you didn’t have to take it, I really wish it didn’t have to be this way. Yet I understand you… and nobody is really in your position to be able to know what it’s like to fight so hard for a life JUST to be there for others. I love you so much. You are so incredibly special, so wonderful… the days pass and I say to myself each and every day: what will I do without him? What the hell will my life be without my soul, my love? I don’t know. Sometimes I get numb. Sometimes I let myself get sad, but then I whip it together to be strong for you, because you are so strong for me. You fight so hard, and sometimes that fight doesn’t even feel worthwhile to you until you YOU then think about me, your family… then suddenly you’re a rich and healthy man, because you have this love……

    I love you with all my life and heart.
    Yours forever……

    • July 8, 2009 at 1:14 pm

      Its a true reflection of what joy that you and V family bring to his life for him to go through the chemo. Please keep him smiling and laughing and loving through this time as that is what is keeping him going.

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