09
Aug
09

two in one post…….

Today I have 2 anniversaries–

I lost my Papa 35 years ago today, but the pain of losing him has never lessened. I always ache for him, I always miss him and I always wonder what my life would have been like if he wasn’t taken away from me. For years I was angry at him for leaving me, now I just feel a void inside, and a piece of my heart died with him. HIS piece of my heart. Papa, I miss you terribly bad, I really wish you were here, I need you so much, especially right now. One day, I will see you again and I can’t wait for one of those amazing hugs you used to give me….I love you, my Papa. FOREVER.

missyou

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today is mine and D’s 3rd anniversary. We are starting on year four together. D–I love you and I always will. Nothing could change that. You are imprinted on my heart and my soul. I know I am not quite the man you married, and I am sorry for that. Cancer has taken it’s toll on me. I am not the pretty, long haired boy you fell in love with. Sometimes I feel like a shell of that….but cancer hasn’t changed my love for you. Nothing could change it…it only grows. I don’t know what else to say, except Happy Anniversary and I love you…..

anniversary-love-you-more

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2 Responses to “two in one post…….”


  1. 1 D
    August 9, 2009 at 10:12 pm

    My darling love of my life-
    Beauty is so important to you and somehow you believe you are not beautiful. Have you any clue as to how your beauty, your absolutely brilliant stunning beauty knocks me out on a daily basis? Have you any idea how completely stunned I am by the fact that without hair, with dark circles, with all the punishing effects of chemo and all the other treatments you endure you always remain breathtakingly gorgeous?
    Honey, your beauty remains. Cancer takes it’s toll on everyone, patient and caregivers. I’ve been both…so baby, I understand that feeling. The pretty long haired boy will return if you want him to, after you grow your hair back…but know this, the long torsoed, long-legged, slim bodied, slenderly muscled hairless boy is who I am in love with right now. Right now I am in love with you as you are. I used to tell you all the time, ‘the beauty is just a frill, something wonderful as an extra…’ but the truth is, though you care more for the beauty, I don’t NEED it in the same way. For me, the flow of love between us never depended on looks, as I know you don’t judge me in this department. As you see me as always beautiful, this is how I see you, my sweet boy.
    And… you are my sweet boy. You ARE my everything. Never fear, my love. Never fear.
    And at this point in time, you have one more week left of chemo. Then, give it a couple of weeks and you’ll start growing a nice short black hairdo. That with your piercings, maybe a little soul patch if you’re in the mood and you will be so damned adorable! I can’t wait. I love you with short hair!!! I love you with no hair!! I just LOVE YOU.

    So, with that said, kiss me babylove!

    I love you. Happy Anniversary to us! And 4 is my lucky number. I love you!

  2. 2 3starjimmy
    August 10, 2009 at 8:49 am

    4 is an amazing number for an anniversary :-bd .You are past the awkward first 3 thats always scary in a relationship, and now you know its going to last.Your still young, Your hair WILL Grow back 🙂 and more beautiful than ever. You might even have to loan me some in a few years.Jimmy is getting old 😦 and doesn’t want to end up with “Phil Spector” wigs in his twilight years….LOL. Your Papa sounds like he was a wonderful man and you have those great memories. Even though you were so young when he passed, You experienced the Love of a true Father. No one can take that memory away from you.I’m convinced he’s there watching over you and fighting the cancer that wants to take your life. I’m envious that you have that with your’s, Mine is alive and wants NOTHING to do with me and I cry everyday as a result 😦 .

    Happy Anniversary
    I lift my Champagne glass and toast this phrase “à votre santé “(to your health), May you both have many more anniversary’s to come ❤


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