Archive for the 'friends' Category

06
Oct
09

I have moved…

Hey everyone I won’t be posting here anymore, I have MOVED this blog to it’s OWN domain, YAY! I hope you ALL will subscribe and blogroll me and COMMENT! I will get you all added to my blogroll ASAP.

Please go over and comment and let me know you are there! The new URL is:

Absolvtion.com (pronounced ABSOLUTION)

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16
Sep
09

the most awesome thing!!

Ace Frehley has made my little girl K his number one fan!!  Let me go back for a second.

ace1Ace sent me his new album Anomaly about 2 weeks early (before it was released to the public). Well me and my girls have listened to it over and over, it’s amazing! Part of the CD is a “pyramid” you can make from the insert, so this past Sunday K asked me if we could finally build it. We did and she asked me if we could take a picture of her with the Anomaly CD, packaging and the “Pyramid”. We took the pic and she asked me if I could send it to Kymm (Ace’s publicist) and to Ace himself. So sure, I sent it to Kymm and Ace, I figured they would both get a kick out of it. Soooo….

Yesterday I got an email from Kymm saying that Ace has made K his number ONE fan and to go check out his website. I was puzzled and curious. I went to his site and I have to say I burst into tears. There was my little girl’s face and Ace was using her picture (Which he added cool fonts and things too) to sell his CD which came out yesterday! K is on top of the world and feels like a princess. She’s happier than I’ve ever seen her! So you can check it out, make sure you have pop ups enabled, and see her there! 🙂 go to Ace’s Official Site

Thank you, Ace, for making my little girl SO happy, for being so good to us as a family, for everything. We can’t wait to meet you on the road! I hope K’s sweet little face sells you MILLIONS of CD’s!! GO now, and buy ANOMALY, it’s amazing! Ace is back and he told you so! 😉

Also thanks to Kymm for being super sweet and caring!!

01
Aug
09

where do *I* fit in?

sadnessI feel like I don’t fit in anywhere. It seems I lose friends left and right….people tell me they care, but then when I am down and out..sick, they don’t bother to contact me to see if I am ok. They get upset with me if I can’t do the things they think I should do…it is very disheartening.

I can’t really use myspace anymore, because of what happened with that person who lied to me and hurt me so badly. I don’t feel comfortable at myspace. I signed up at Facebook and hoped to make friends with people, especially D’s friends. I wanted to fit in there, but I don’t. I have come to that realization. I just don’t fit in. I tried.  I tried being nice to people, commenting on their status messages, notes, pictures, etc., but then if I write something it goes virtually ignored.  So I guess I don’t fit in there.

Now I find I don’t fit in with my family either. My sisters never come to check on me, call me..nothing. One will only call me if she thinks I have some money to try and bum me. The other sister only calls to try to get my pain pills, Neurontin, Tramadol from me. They go out to the movies, they go out to eat, they never offer to take me, they never bring me food. It’s pretty much always been that way and I try to accept it, but somedays it just HURTS.

Then today, I got rejected by my daughter’s fiancee’s family. Mel and her fiancee were here and I heard them talking about taking his mom out shopping today and going out to eat Mexican. Mel goes “Oh I have enough of my own money to pay for Dad and K’s food, so they should go with us!”.  K got very excited and actually I did too, first because Mel thought to invite us and secondly because we are so low on food there’s barely anything to eat here. Her fiancee says “I have to use the bathroom.”, and calls Mel in there. About five minutes later, she comes out and says “I will just take you and K next week.”  I just looked at her in disbelief–then her fiancee came in here and said “Well Mom might get upset if we invite you without like a days notice.” I was fucking stunned. I was rejected by my daughter’s fiancee’s family. WTF?  What is it? Am I too hideous to look at because I lost my hair? Because I have the “brown circles of chemo”? Are you all ashamed to be seen with me? Or is it that I am not worth spending money on?

I feel like I don’t fit in ANYWHERE. Anywhere except these four walls of my apartment. I NEVER get to go out to dinner because I never have the money. I would LOVE to just sit in a restaurant and order food and eat there. But that isn’t going to happen I guess, because firstly I have no money to take myself and K…and two I am evidently not good enough to have someone PAY for me to eat out. To get me out of this apartment.

Fuck it, somedays I wonder why I fight so hard to stay alive when I don’t fit in ANYWHERE.

I’m out. I have to go find K something to eat and I guess tonight will be another night I go hungry…….

19
Jul
09

just some random blathering…

Well, tomorrow I start week 3 of this continous chemotherapy drip. IT SUCKS. I have been through 5 rounds in 10 years and other than the first one they did to prep me for the bone marrow transplant this is THE worst. It makes me hurt ALL over. Even my skin hurts, it’s like the nerves are on edge or something. My clothes hurt to wear, the bedsheets hurt…I HATE it.

As I said in my other post, I shaved my head, I couldn’t watch it  just slowly fall out, it is just too painful. Now I am losing other body hair…I am pretty hairless naturally, no chest hair, back hair, butt cheek hair (haha). But I am losing my arm pit hair, and uhh, other places. I don’t like it. I DO NOT like it.  So what’s next–well my eyebrows and eyelashes…then I will look like a total fuckin’ alien.

My mother saw me the other day and just cried when she saw the bandana on my head. She said, “God baby, you’ve been through so much.”, heh, yeah, what an understandment. I’ve been through TOO much. My body isn’t what it used to be, and every fucking treatment they do on me weakens me more…weakens my body more. AH well, so goes life huh?

I know some of you think I don’t care, but I DO. So don’t give up on me…..I know some of you probably have, *sighs*. OK I can’t go there today, it will just  upset me. I have lost so many friends because of my illness, they either can’t handle it, or if I don’t do what they expect of me, they get upset and leave. It hurts and I can’t do this today. I can’t handle the upset….

Ok I think WordPress has a thing where you can rate my posts, blog, comments, etc. So have at it, just be nice for pete sakes hehe.

I’m out.

06
Jun
09

redneck barbeques, talk shows and pain…oh my!!!

**I edited out the URL so “Dad” can’t find me through my talk show…please email me at murderous.thoughts@ymail.com and I will send you the link to the site!**

OK so first off my official website for my talk show is up… go to *email me for the site URL* 🙂 and check it out. I put a forum up and it’s not just for the show. I have also added threads for autistics and abuse survivors. The forum for the abuse survivors is private and password protected, so if you want to join that one so we can all talk in a private, loving place then email me for the password. 🙂  I’m really hoping the forum does well, I think it would be a great place to socialize, chit chat and of course as survivors talk in the private forum in safety–so go join up, post in the “Introduce Yourself” forum and let’s have some fun there!

Now…it’s an OMG moment. My daughter is dating a REALLY nice guy, he’s stylish, clean, loves her to pieces, is helpful to me and I really love him to pieces. So today is his mother’s birthday (I hadn’t ever met her before) and they invited myself and K over for a cookout and for K to swim with John’s (Mel’s b/f) nieces and nephews. I made her a homemade chocolate cake with buttercream frosting (wore myself out) and Mel came to pick us up. All I can say is—> 😐 It was honestly redneck central, I mean the one tooth in your head kind of rednecks (now I am not racist so don’t give me shit)–they were loud, around their house looked like the typical dirty yard–non-working vehicles, old appliances, the works. Needless to say that is SO not me. I am obsessively clean–so the whole time I was sitting there I was biting my lip, trying to keep myself from getting up and CLEANING the yard. His Mom was nice, but she drank WAY too much for me. She broke out the Mad Dog 20/20 first…tried to get me to drink with her, I nicely said “No thank you”. Then she brings out the Miller Lite Beer…again she tried to make me drink with her–I declined again. THEN she brings out the Southen Comfort  😐 of course I turned that one down too “Sorry, I can’t drink I am on heavy medications.” THEN her brother (The one that admitted to me he only has 2 teeth in his head haha) comes out in swim trunks with this big belly hanging out…a long beard and scraggly hair…and says to John’s mother “Girl you need to start brushing your teeth or you are gonna be like me”…uhh…I was overwhelmed and freaked out, I had to shut down and go into my own world for a bit–THANK God for my Autism! Mel noticed I was shutting down so she brought out the cake–she blew out her candles and THANK GOD we got to go home. The first thing I did was put K in the shower, get her clean then I got in HAHA. I am sooooo exhausted and overwhelmed by this day that I feel like I am in a semi-coma or something. I don’t socialize well as it is, but to be around that was just too much for my poor system. I am far too delicate for that LMAO.

Ok, this week my talk show is Thursday night at 9:00pm Eastern (My permanent day and time slot)…and my special guest is none other than my wife D, the original Frank ‘N Furter from the 8th Street Playhouse in NYC. She is responsible for helping to get the whole “cult” of Rocky Horror Picture Show started. She is going to talk about her experiences as Frank, with the whole Rocky Horror Experience AND her upcoming CD that will be out on i-tunes and Amazon this month!! She will be taking your calls and we will also have call ins from other 8th Street Playhouse people! This will be a VERY fun show, so I hope you all will tune in for the fun!

Ok, I am worn out–I have to go get K off my laptop (She’s playing at www.freerealms.com ) and get her teeth brushed and in the bed, then I am going to lay and rest. I sure need it.

30
May
09

Just a quickie..

I started a new blog for my talk show. The link to it is -> Mad As A Hatter. So if there’s anything you want to know such as when the next show is, what’s coming up, any special guests, etc., please blog roll or bookmark the blog! 🙂 If you would like me to add you to the blog roll at the show blog, just post a comment over there and I would be glad to add it!

I am weak and tired this weekend, resting a lot and watching TV with K. I am in a lot of pain and it’s hard to sit up for a long time and it’s also hard to get around. So this weekend is definitely a BLOB weekend. I hope you all are doing well!

If anyone needs to talk to me, leave me an offline or call me. 🙂

I’m out…

28
May
09

Reminder :-)

My first talk show is tonight at 6:00pm Eastern/3:00pm Pacific. I didn’t choose a topic to talk about because this show is basically just about getting my feet wet, learning the controls and things like that. So whatever you all want to discuss we will talk about. 🙂 Once I get into the groove I will have specific topics for the shows, and hopefully some awesome surprises!

Just go to my show page Mad As A Hatter to tune in. I will have the chatroom opened about 15 minutes before the show starts. Once you are at my page the blue player at the top SHOULD start automatically (once my show is on air) so you can listen and if you scroll down the page just a teeny bit, the chat should be there. I am crossing my fingers that it all works like it should hahaha.

Make an account there (it’s free) and fave my show AND friend me! Hope to see you all there and TALKING to me. You can also chat in the chat room with anyone else there AND with me. 🙂

See ya there.




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