Archive for the 'In The News' Category


where were you?


When it happened, I was going through chemo, I had woken up feeling sick and turned on the TV. I was shocked, I thought it was some kind of sick joke at first…then I cried, now I sit here crying again. None of us will ever be the same after that day….I remember….



repost this on your blogs please?

Got this from Peter Paige, and I am reposting it everywhere I can, would you please do the same? As many people as possible should see this before Obama’s health care speech tomorrow. Thanks!

Watch The Video


RIP Walter…

WOW, Walter Cronkite has died. He was a huge part of our household when I was a child. I remember watching him on the news with Mama every night. He was a good man, an honest man…he lived to the ripe old age of 92…wow. Rest in peace Walter….”and that’s the way it is”.



heart wrenching…

Well, I just got finished watching the MJ memorial a little while ago…I had some tears, but when Marlon spoke (by the way I LOVED that the boys were wearing the glove), I cried..I really cried. Then when Michael’s beautiful little girl spoke about her Daddy, I lost it. She was so heart broken–yet at the one moment she redeemed her Daddy, she let the world know he was a GOOD DADDY.  It also touched me because of my own daughter, who was watching with me…I know one day she will be in the shoes of Michael’s kids..*sigh* Ok enough of that, I can’t cry anymore, I will start up a horrid headache…

Anyhow, I am glad they are finally laying him to rest, geez it’s been almost 2 weeks, it’s time to bury him…

Ok I am not feeling so hot today…damn chemo PLUS really bad pain, I can barely move…I am going to just chill here on the bed.

R.I.P. MJ 🙂 In your brother Marlon’s words–“Maybe now Michael, they will leave you alone.”……..


Part II

This is part II to last night’s post HERE . Last night, exposing myself and one of my “secrets” was painful, so I had to stop writing. I want say a few more things…so here is the second part.

So yes, I touched on Michael having BDD, being OCD, being sexually and physically abused. But what I didn’t quite touch on was his evident eating disorder and drug abuse. You see…most abused children grow up with major mental issues. And a lot of the issues revolve around CONTROL. When we are kids, when we are ABUSED kids, we feel ourselves spiraling out of control. We are at the mercy of our abuser(s) and as we grow up, we feel the INTENSE need to CONTROL our own lives. In my life I controlled my world by controlling the pain by cutting and scarring. I was addicted to heroin, but I used most any drug you can name, anything to kill the pain. I tried to kill myself more times than I want to admit, I was SO self destructive…Michael controlled his pain by changing his appearance, anorexia (he weighed about 108 pounds at the time of his death) and abuse of prescription drugs.

Self medicating is common among abuse survivors, I think with Michael he got injured…he was given pain meds and he realized that maybe “Hey, if I take this (insert drug here, demerol, oxycontin, etc.) I feel numb and foggy and I don’t care.” I mean look at footage of him at his trial, most times his security had to hold him up, he was very frail and very disoriented…

And now, unfortunately HIS abuser is trying to gain custody of his children. How fucking scary. Will he abuse those kids and cause another generation of body dsymorphic, anorexic, prescription drug abusers who die before their time? I HOPE to God there was a will and Joe and Katherine don’t get these kids. I think Katherine loved her son, BUT she allowed Joe to abuse him and the other kids…she’s an ENABLER..she didn’t save her son(s) from abuse, so she is as guilty for Michael’s life (and death) as Joe is.

You know…I have to say FUCK YOU to the abusers of the world. You fuck us up and you leave us to slowly kill ourselves, while you go on with your life like nothing is wrong (can you say Joe Jackson CNN interviews anyone?) YOU FUCK US UP, YOU RUIN US!!!  I pray those kids aren’t left with Michael’s mom and dad….

Ok enough pain for today. I have a doctors appointment and I have to go shower.

I’m out.


from one abused child to another…to another…….

I’ve been in a heavy state of thinking all weekend…I had something happen to me, which I don’t think I am ready to say to the public just yet, but it made me realize a few things…

I now know what was wrong with Michael Jackson. Everyone always saying he had plastic surgery to “look like Diana Ross”…to “look like his sisters”….”Because he didn’t want to look like his father.” Well, I know now why he did what he did. He had Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Body Dsymorphic Disorder is a serious illness. I was diagnosed with it when I was young. Symptoms are having a problem with the way you look, being preoccupied with imaginary flaws…usually of the hair, skin, nose, facial lines, etc. Having a lot of anxiety over ones looks…getting cosmetic surgery, spending too much time focusing on the “flaws”, excessive grooming, suicidal thoughts, social phobias, shy, neurotic…you get the picture..

Most people with BDD think they are “ugly” or that people will be mean to them because of the imagined flaws. With me, I hated being PRETTY. I felt my looks caused my abuse and I dreamed of ways to ruin myself so I would be considered “untouchable” and the abuse would stop. I still think of cutting up my face to ruin it…..some days it’s hard to get through with out doing it. So I cut other parts of my body…

Body Dysmorphic Disorder is considered an Obsessive Compusive Disorder, which I was also diagnosed with at a young age. I am sure Michael was OCD…

Over 75% of people with BDD (mild or severe) report being abused as children.

In my case, I cut, I scar…I have fantasies of cutting my face up so I will be “ugly” to people and they won’t abuse me anymore. I think for Michael he wanted to be anything but the boy who was abused, who was pushed to be perfect…I also think Michael was sexually abuse…I KNOW he was. I feel it…as someone who is a survivor.

After seeing Joe Jackson’s interview it really hit me just how much of an asshole he is. I mean we ALL know he abused Michael, he admitted it himself…but do we really know HOW far it went? I think it went further than anyone can imagine and I HOPE one day, one of the kids speaks out…I hope they free themselves of the secrets in that family.

No matter what YOU think of Michael Jackson, if you think of the life he led, the way he was put out there to perform (IN PERFECTION) at such a young age, the way the boys were beaten by their father if they weren’t perfect…you have to feel bad for Michael. Again, I came to a lot of realizations this weekend that I just can’t discuss right now, but I feel a kin-ship with Michael now…I feel bad for him and I am sorry he died such a tragic death and now his leech of a father is going to use his death to try and make more money for himself. Hell I wouldn’t be surprised if the bastard tired to sell autospy photos of his SON…

Ok I am a bit upset right now, I just exposed some stuff about myself that was extremely difficult. I need to go spend time with my wife and feel better…..

Please, don’t be spouting mean things on this post, it will just piss me off. If you can’t say anything nice right now about M.J. just don’t say anything at all.



Class: Janet Jackson

Trash: Joe “the asshole” Jackson

This fucking man disgusted me. No matter what YOU or *I* think of Michael, that is his FATHER and all the fucker could do was promote his record label and blu ray technology….WTF?!?!?! What bullshit….he didn’t even say “I miss my son” he said “We just lost the biggest superstar in the world”. All he could say when asked how he was is “I’m great.”  Um, excuse me asshole, your SON just died…good Lord. I heard he was dancing around and shit. He was saying Katherine was “fine”…yeah I bet she’s home grieving for her SON, not prancing around, looking like a fool like her husband. Jesus, it made me sick to watch this on CNN as it was live earlier. I was totally disgusted. Of course, he beat the living shit out of the boys, so why should he give a shit about anyone else but his narcissistic self now that Michael is dead? Listen to his shit at about 1:54….GRRR. How could a father act like this? A father who’s son just DIED? Oh riiiight, you WERE the asshole that robbed Michael of his childhood, should we expect anything less from you?!?!

I watched that interview live on CNN and like the interviewer said, he didn’t sound much like a grieving father. *Shakes my head*

I feel for Katherine, Janet, Rebbie, Latoya, Jackie, Marlon, Randy, Jermaine, and Tito. You could tell Janet was truly heartbroken…I bet Joe was hanging around trying to make more money off his dead son’s name.

I’m going to try to sleep again…I have the procedure to have the central line put in my chest in about 5 hours…blah!

Night all… - The internets fastest growing blog directory

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