Posts Tagged ‘children


the most awesome thing!!

Ace Frehley has made my little girl K his number one fan!!  Let me go back for a second.

ace1Ace sent me his new album Anomaly about 2 weeks early (before it was released to the public). Well me and my girls have listened to it over and over, it’s amazing! Part of the CD is a “pyramid” you can make from the insert, so this past Sunday K asked me if we could finally build it. We did and she asked me if we could take a picture of her with the Anomaly CD, packaging and the “Pyramid”. We took the pic and she asked me if I could send it to Kymm (Ace’s publicist) and to Ace himself. So sure, I sent it to Kymm and Ace, I figured they would both get a kick out of it. Soooo….

Yesterday I got an email from Kymm saying that Ace has made K his number ONE fan and to go check out his website. I was puzzled and curious. I went to his site and I have to say I burst into tears. There was my little girl’s face and Ace was using her picture (Which he added cool fonts and things too) to sell his CD which came out yesterday! K is on top of the world and feels like a princess. She’s happier than I’ve ever seen her! So you can check it out, make sure you have pop ups enabled, and see her there! 🙂 go to Ace’s Official Site

Thank you, Ace, for making my little girl SO happy, for being so good to us as a family, for everything. We can’t wait to meet you on the road! I hope K’s sweet little face sells you MILLIONS of CD’s!! GO now, and buy ANOMALY, it’s amazing! Ace is back and he told you so! 😉

Also thanks to Kymm for being super sweet and caring!!


cancer steals another life…

colbyI am crying so hard for this child right now…actually for any child who has cancer. CANCER SUCKS and no child should have to suffer and die with it. As I wrote before…I know there’s a cure for cancer, but cancer is a money maker for the pharmaceutical companies so they aren’t going to give it up. I know in my heart there’s a cure and they let these children suffer and DIE. Yeah I’ve got cancer too, yeah it robbed me of my adult life, but I AM an adult, I have at least got to live a bit of life, Colby and other kids like her never will. God I am so angry this morning….

Read the link for the story—->

And check out this poignant video that this guy (who looks like he might be a teenager) made for Colby’s parents. He’s pretty damn talented. If you don’t cry for this child, you have no heart…like the pharmaceutical companies…

God bless you Colby, you are a beautiful angel now…and God be with her parents, I can’t imagine what they are feeling right now. *SIGH*. Also I have to say God bless Pixar for making Colby’s wish come true. 


good days…

SmilesMy good days are few and far between, but this weekend has been GOOD. I’ve smiled and laughed more than I have in a long time. My tummy is full and my mental state feels somewhat ok…somewhat ok for me, is actually really good.

My oldest daughter Mel came to see me and K today. We were watching old Saturday Night Live footage of Adam Sandler, John Belushi, etc. I had one girl on each side of me here on the bed, both being affectionate and we were all laughing. It felt GOOD. It’s nice to have a good time, rather than being depressed and crying, which I do everyday…

I feel sometimes that not enough GOOD things happen to me. I struggle every day with money worries, memories of my abuse, “Dad’s” sick phone calls. But then sometimes, if I wish hard enough and God is willing, an angel will fall from the sky 😉 and I smile and it’s good.

Today… good. God let it stay good, let me fall asleep peacefully with a small grin on my face.


what is it with people?!?!

I saw this story last night and I was so horrified I cried for these kids — Brother slays 2 sisters, police rescue a third. MY GOD, how could someone do this to their family? Killing his younger sisters, *shudder* beheading the 5 year old as a police office came into the house, her birthday cake still sitting on the table from the day before. Just hearing it horrified me to the bone, I cannot imagine what that cop is feeling right now. To witness a brother behead his FIVE year old sister?  To attack and kill the oldest of the girls and try to kill (seriously wounding) the NINE year old! Luckily the cop scooped her up and got her out of the house. They say he came running out of the house covered in blood, carrying her in his arms. She has defense knife wounds on her hands/body from trying to fight off her TWENTY THREE year old brother. He attacked his sisters while their grandmother was doing laundry in the basement and their Mom was at work at Boston Hospital where she is a nurse I can’t even fathom how they are feeling right now. What I don’t understand though is this — evidently he had been in trouble before for domestic violence, they say he punched a woman who was living there. He also served time for a gun charge. If this guy was prone to violence, why was he still living there? I know, even if it were one of my children, I wouldn’t want them living with my other kids if they were violent. And I certainly wouldn’t be out of the room/house/whatever if that person was there. Now 2 little girls are dead, one is wounded and will be scarred physically and emotionally. My heart breaks for these kids.

Then…I read this 6 Dead In California Murder/Suicide . It happened in an “upscale” (what that has to do with anything I don’t know) neighborhood in Silicon Valley. One woman escaped with gunshot wounds, inside the house they found the bodies of a woman in her 20’s, a 10 year old boy, a four year old girl and a man in his 30’s. The killer, of course, did himself in too (coward that he is).  They said a toddler was alive at the scene but soon died at the hospital.

GOOD GOD. I will NEVER understand how someone can just be so, so, cold, so dead inside, that they would take lives. Not only of an adults(s), but children. INNOCENT CHILDREN. They didn’t do anything, children are innocent. No matter how angry you are, how can you look at a child and stab them, shoot them, rape them, hurt them in ANY way, shape or form? It is frightening that you are hearing more and more of this everyday. I mean EVERY FUCKING DAY. Children don’t ask to be born, they don’t ask to be pulled into the middle of disputes with family members and they certainly don’t ask to be KILLED, SCARRED, RAPED, BEATEN. In my humble opinion (as I often state), if you harm a child, you should die, period. WHY jail them, while our tax dollars pay for them to sit in jail? Usually reading, watching TV, walking around outside in the fresh air? WTF ever. If the child victim isn’t killed, then they are scarred physically and emotionally for life. A life sentence of pain, anxiety, memories. I know, I was sentenced to life in my own prison when I was a VERY young child.

Ah GOD I have to shut up right now, I am so upset, so very upset. I will never understand how anyone could harm a child.

I’m out.


Be vigilant…Be aware!


Parents, you need to be aware of the signs of child sexual abuse. Back when my abuse was going on, there weren’t web sites to help my mother understand what was happening to me. I was told not to tell, actually threatened and scared into not telling, I was taught to clean any blood from my underwear, things like that *SIGH*. “Dad” was very thorough, he was making sure there was no way my mother could find things to show my abuse. Now some of my bruises, cuts, etc. maybe Mama should have questioned more, but “Dad” took advantage of my clumsiness and autism to say that I “fell” or whatever. 😦  But parents today NEED to pay attention to their children, look for the signs! DO NOT hesitate for ONE moment if your child is silently crying out for help, please.

Sexual abuse is any kind of sexual contact between a child and an adult or much older child/teenager.  The abuse usually comes after the child is “groomed”/enticed.

What is grooming? Grooming is when an adult  “befriends” the victim. Make them feel like they are loved and cared for when the whole world might be against them. The adult gets the child to trust them before taking it to the next level.

  1. Giving the child money or gifts
  2. Allowing the child to get away with things the parent wouldn’t
  3. Hugging, kissing or other contact with the child, even if the child may not want the contact.
  4. Showing pornography to the child
  5. Talking about sexual topics with the child
  6. “Accidentally” walking in on the child while the child is dressing, in the bathroom, etc.
  7. Telling the child that he/she is the only one who really loves them, cares, etc.
  8. Grooming over the internet can include pretending he/she understands the child’s problems, he/she may pose as a child themselves.

Signs of sexual abuse in children:

  1.  Bed wetting
  2.  Excess masturbation
  3.  Complaints of pain during urination or bowel movements
  4.  Exhibiting signs of urinary tract infections, or other signs of sexually transmitted diseases
  5.  Showing aggressive behavior towards friends, family, teacher, etc.
  6. Signs of trauma to the genital area/anus, mouth irritation
  7. Loss of appetite
  8. Unusual gagging
  9. Fear of certain locations, sounds, smells, etc.
  10. Engaging in sexual behavior with friends, stuffed animals or (God forbid) pets
  11. Unexplained periods of panic (flashbacks)
  12. Regressing to behaviors that are too young for their age group
  13. Unexplained health problems
  14. Showing knowledge of adult sexual behaviors
  15. Withdrawing from friends, family and activities previously enjoyed
  16. Self mutilation–cutting, stabbing with pens, pencils, hair pulling, etc.
  17. Showing sudden fear of being alone with a certain person
  18. Blood or other fluids in the panties/underwear
  19. Excessive crying
  20. Lost of self esteem
  21. Irritability
  22. Nightmares or other sleep disturbances

What constitutes sexual abuse:

  1. Rape
  2. Incest
  3. Voyeurism
  4. Statutory Rape
  5. Indecent Exposure
  6. Molestation
  7. Pornography
  8. Engaging a minor in sexual talk online

The abuser can be ANYONE, teachers, preachers/priests, family, friends, policemen. ANYONE. Abuse happens in all ethnic backgrounds, all socio-economic backgrounds. Never doubt your own intuition or things your child tells you. They may even “hint” and not come right out with it. Listen and pay attention.

Some people say “Why doesn’t the child tell?” Well first off, we can be terribly threatened (Read my blog When I Learned To Never Tell). We have fear also that no one would believe us, we fear causing trouble, we fear being taken away from our parents (if the abuser is not a parent), we fear the abuser may kill or hurt other family members. We might feel too ashamed or embarrassed to tell. Some children can’t find the words TO tell. Pay ATTENTION to your children and their actions!

Understand that we as victims no matter how young we are feel rage, hate, shame, guilt, fear. We feel isolated, alone, we feel sad.

How do you approach your child and talk to him/her?


  1. BELIEVE your child! Children RARELY lie about abuse. Usually the only reason one will lie about being abused is if they are coerced into lying by another adult. Example–In a divorce/child custody proceeding.
  2. LISTEN to your child! Take them to a quiet place where you can be alone, where no one can possibly over hear the conversation. Give your child your FULL attention.
  3. BE CALM! Crying, yelling, etc., will only scare us into shutting up—withdrawing from you!
  4. REASSURE! Reassure your child that everything is going to be ok. Tell your child that he/she is NOT bad and that it is NOT their fault.
  5. PRAISE your child! Tell your child how good it is that she/he told you what is going on. Let them know they are RIGHT and GOOD.
  6. RESPECT your child’s privacy! DO NOT discuss what has happened in front of other people who do not need to know.
  7. GET HELP! Report the abuse to the proper authorities, get therapy for your child AND for yourself. Get your child to a MEDICAL doctor!


  1. Scream or yell. Do not show the anger you might be feeling.
  2. Threaten the abuser in front of the child.
  3. BLAME the child. NEVER blame the child. Sexual abuse is never a child’s fault!

Remember, the abuser counts on SILENCE, not only from the child but from YOU, the parent. Abuse does not “go away”, take action for your child. Get help. Do not ignore it.

A few facts about child sexual abuse:

  • 1 in every 3 girls and 1 in every five boys will be victims of some kind of sexual assault before the age of 18. (Scary statistics aren’t they?)
  • Over 40 million (YES MILLION) adults living in the US right now were victims of some kind of sexual abuse as children.
  • In over 80% of the cases, the abuser is someone the child knows. Most often a relative or family friend.
  • 1 in 5 rapes of children are under age 12. A startling 1 in 10 are under age FIVE.
  • Two thirds of sex offenders in prison victimized a child.
  • Over 75% of children will DENY abuse when first asked.
  • Young children that are victims of incest (like myself) may not UNDERSTAND that it is abuse at first.
  • An average of 5 out of 10,000 children in daycare are sexually abused.
  • An average of 9 out of 10,000 children are sexually abused in their homes.
  • Girls are more likely than boys to disclose sexual abuse.
  • Adolescent boys and girls with a history of sexual abuse are at an increase risk for eating disorders such as anorexia or bulimia.

Those are just a FEW facts. Every child that is abused can grow up with different problems–we NEED to stop the abuse. Pay attention to your children, don’t let them end up being like me…please.


WordPress Thanksgiving


I have to thank someone–I got home, was checking out my friends on my blogroll and came upon Echo’s Thanksgiving post. I was touched and humbled to see he included me in it. Please read it! (Read all of his blogs!) 🙂 —–> Echo’s Thanksgiving Blog! Thank you so MUCH man, I appreciate it. It was very nice to see!

I saw this link on wordpress and thought, “WHY not, I will do it!” So here goes.

What has motivated, inspired, enlivened, awakened, and otherwise comforted and thrilled you in 2008? Go on and share what you’re thankful for in a blog post, and be sure to tag it with “Thanksgiving08.”

My wife and best friend Kev have inspired me this year. Living with my illnesses inspires me to live and to write. My wife D comforts me and gives me more love than I have ever had before and she makes me happier than anyone ever. My children inspire me to be the best I can be, they inspire me to LIVE and to LOVE. Being a DJ inspires me everyday! I get to listen to great music, hear new up and coming bands and meet great new people!! My new friends who blog about their own abuses inspire ME to write more about mine, and hopefully help others!! I am thankful I am still alive and of course for wordpress, where I now have a voice!! - The internets fastest growing blog directory

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