Posts Tagged ‘happiness

30
Aug
09

Today…

HappyBirthday_Peaceful_LavenderToday is my daughter Mel’s birthday. It’s SO hard to believe that she is 20 today. The same age I was when she was born. I have raised her, watched her grow and now….she’s not a teen anymore, she’s a grown woman and my heart does kind of ache. I miss our “dates” when she was little. Every Saturday night, I would turn off my pager and cellphone, no work, no distractions, nothing but me and my Mel. She would pick a place to eat and we would go out on our “date”. I remember holding her tiny hand in mine…oh man I am going to cry. I wouldn’t change anything in our life together. Sure it was hard raising her alone from birth…but I KNOW I did a damn good job. She is loving, kind, intelligent, empathetic, proud, outspoken about things she believes in. I am SO proud of her. She’s a beautiful young woman now *le sigh*.

I love you baby. From the day you were born I was IN love with you. I have watched you grow, go through trying times and come out the strong and beautiful woman you are today. You will always be Daddy’s girl……*SIGH* Happy Birthday honey!

I will¬†post pictures later. ūüôā

09
Aug
09

two in one post…….

Today I have 2 anniversaries–

I lost my Papa 35 years ago today, but the pain of losing him has never lessened. I always ache for him, I always miss him and I always wonder what my life would have been like if he wasn’t taken away from me. For years I was angry at him for leaving me, now I just feel a void inside, and a piece of my heart died with him. HIS piece of my heart. Papa, I miss you terribly bad, I really wish you were here, I need you so much, especially right now. One day, I will see you again and I can’t wait for one of those amazing hugs you used to give me….I love you, my Papa. FOREVER.

missyou

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today is mine and D’s 3rd anniversary. We are starting on year four together. D–I love you and I always will. Nothing could change that. You are imprinted on my heart and my soul. I know I am not quite the man you married, and I am sorry for that. Cancer has taken it’s toll on me. I am not the pretty, long haired boy you fell in love with. Sometimes I feel like a shell of that….but cancer hasn’t changed my love for you. Nothing could change it…it only grows. I don’t know what else to say, except Happy Anniversary and I love you…..

anniversary-love-you-more

21
May
09

For D…

This post is for my lovely wife D…this is another one of our early songs…It came on my playlist a few minutes ago and I felt the need to put it on here for her to always have to see, even when I am gone. I love you honey…

14
May
09

childhood dreams…

D and V--drawn by D

D and V--drawn by D

This post is for my wife D. When we were both little we dreamt of each other.¬† We knew the other was out there. She was seeing me/dreaming of me before I was even born…We are true soul mates, our love is deep and it’s forever. This is one of her favorite songs–she has dedicated it to me more than once on my radio shows…it’s her song to me. It came on my winamp today and I thought—why not do something special for her, just because. So here you go honey. I love you…more than you could ever imagine. You are the¬†most beautiful thing in the world, you are so kind, so loving, so patient, intelligent..I could go on and on.¬†Never forget baby our love is everlasting..forever and a day….

Mmmm it just started to rain here, a nice warm rain. Shall we go dance in it honey???

BTW–It’s my first try at making a video for youtube, so don’t critique me too much hahahaha.

08
May
09

happy 4th anniversary..D and V for ever..

 

 

V And D Forever!

V And D Forever!

 

 

 

4 years ago today D and I met at deviantArt. I had written a blog about living with cancer and she found it after I commented on one of her “V for Vendetta” art pieces she had drawn. She sent me a simple note, not knowing if I was male or female…she said “you have cancer, talk to me….”. I wrote her back a long note back…we started talking back and forth on deviantArt in notes then took it to email, then to Yahoo Voice haha. We fell in love fast, because we are truesoul mates, I had dreamt about her when I was YOUNG, I remember telling Kevin when we were about 10 years old that there was¬†a woman for me out there, my soul mate and one day I would find her. I did, she finally found me…rescued me. We met in May and married in August, on Aug. 9th the anniversary of my Papa’s death. I felt him telling me to marry her then….so we waited until that date…as I said in previous blog, I FELT him there as we read our vows to each other, he was smiling down on us.

Her love for me blew me away. Her devotion and how she listened to me as FINALLY I poured out my stories of my abuse. Things I had never told ANYONE. So many nights of talking, crying and loving as I purged…she was my rock. She has never judged me for anything I’ve ever said or done. She just holds me and lets me get it out…loving me more with every minute. I don’t know how I lived my life before without her in it. It’s almost like I don’t have a “past” with other people…only her and I.

Some people said we wouldn’t make it…(assholes). Well LOOK we made it, and we will be together forever, in this life and OUR heaven. I love you baby, forever and a day…thank you for loving me…

All souls last forever– so we need never fear goodbye…
a kiss when I must go… in time, we kiss hello…

29
Mar
09

it’s the little things that make me smile..

i_love_my_baby_girlLike when my little girl and I were¬†sitting here on my bed playing Mystery Case Files:Ravenheart 2 together, I was having trouble seeing some of the hidden objects and I said something about my eyesight…and I am in HORRIBLE pain today, my upper back and¬†neck are hurting so bad I have cried off and on all day. It was hurting so bad it was hard to play the game, she saw me wincing and reached her little hand back and started to rub my shoulders and neck…then I said “I am just falling apart all over aren’t I baby?”. She said, “You are still the greatest person in the world Daddy!!”. *SIGH* It made me teary eyed to hear her say that…she loves me no matter what. That’s true unconditional love..

Yeah..it’s those little things that keep me alive.

I’m out..

26
Nov
08

My Thanksgiving

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I always write a blog about what I am thankful for, I usually write it ON Thanksgiving day, but I will be gone tomorrow morning, rushing back to see my Mama, then rushing home to be on air tomorrow night, I may not have time to write a blog, so I am doing it now.

I am thankful for:

Getting to see my daughter Mel tomorrow. She went to rehab last month and will be there until June. I haven’t seen her beautiful face in a month now and I miss her terribly. She got mixed up with a boy, he got her to try drugs, then he decided to go on a robbery spree *sigh*. She was the driver (she didn’t do any stealing), she was guilty by association and ended up with 60 days in jail and rehab. Personally, she didn’t need rehab, she wasn’t “addicted” to the drugs, she hadn’t been on them long enough TO be addicted, but the place she is in also teaches them life skills, helps them with getting set up for college and the work force, so in the end it will be good for her. My heart was so broken when all this happened, but I am healing, she is healing and doing really well, it’s all good. She is still a teenager so she has her whole life ahead of her and we all make mistakes, she just made a big one and is learning early! I love you Mel and I am thankful that you are on the way to making a good life for yourself.

I am thankful for my wife D. Honey you have given me so much happiness, so much love, so much care and compassion. I don’t know how to ever repay you for it all. The only thing I CAN do is love you with all I have. Yet another Thanksgiving together and here you thought we wouldn’t get past our first one. Next is your birthday this week, then Christmas and then MY birthday. WOW, I am fighting and will continue to fight for you. I will be here for those milestones, God willing. YOU are everything, never forget that. Remember, our love will never die and neither will I. I love you!!!

I am thankful for my Kevin. He has been with me through thick and thin. We have been best friends since we were 8 years old. He is so sweet, kind, loving, compassionate, caring. He takes SUCH good care of me, I don’t know what I would do without him. Kevin, I love you, more than you know. I am so thankful that you love me back and take care of me without thought, that you don’t make me feel like a huge burden. It means more than you know.

I am thankful for Gail. Sis in law, I love you, you are special to my heart. The way you want to protect and love me is amazing. The way you love D is nothing short of beautiful. I am glad you are in my life, you mean the world to me!

I am thankful for being alive. The doctors gave up on me years ago, told me I had 4-6 months to live. HAH! I showed them not to give ME a prognosis. I am stubborn, a fighter, I am persistant and determined. I have the will to live. I know one day my body will revolt and just give it up, but it won’t be from the lack of my want to live. It will be because my insides are mush and there is nothing left TO keep me going. My heart, my head will still be fighting to live. I know this.

I am thankful for Jerilyn. We have known each other for how many years now, 7, wow! I want to thank you for what you do for me. You help me out when I need it, you are one of the few people that help to make sure I eat, that my bills are paid. I love you dearly and I KNOW I will never be able to repay your kindness, the only thing I CAN do is give you my ultimate gratitude and friendship. You are one of the most compassionate people I have ever known. Thank you SO much.

I am thankful for the few new friends I have met. Thank you all for the nice notes, comments, etc. at my blog and my myspace. It is nice to know that people care and actually WANT to check on me to see how I am. It means a lot to me. Thank you.

I am thankful for God. He has given me the strength to keep going in spite of everything that has happened to me in my life. He is the light and the way for me, He hears my prayers and He loves me unconditionally.

Unbelievably, I am thankful for my abuse. It made me the man I am today, it made me STRONG inside, made my heart strong, it made me persistant, it made me push on to be the best man I could be. To prove to my abusers that I COULD live a productive life, get a good job, pursue my art and my music. Raise my oldest daughter by myself and raise her WELL. It showed me that I can get through ANYTHING life throws at me. I survived horrific abuse that most people would not even begin to fathom and I am still here. Yes I have problems because of it, but I am GOOD and LOVING and KIND and COMPASSIONATE. I have so MUCH love in me and that is the thing my father and my ex wife wanted to kill, all the good in me. Well,¬†they didn’t and I am VERY thankful for that.

I am thankful for the roof over my head, the food I eat, the bed I sleep in at night. I know there are millions of people out there with nothing. I pray for you all every day. Yes I am far below poverty level due to my illness, but I DO have a bed, I do have food (even when it’s just ramen noodles), I DO have heat, a shower, shelter. I wish for all of those in need to have the love and compassion that people in my life have shown me. God bless those¬†that are in need.

I hope everyone has the best Thanksgiving ever. Remember, be thankful EVERY DAY for what you have, for the love in your life, for your jobs, for the roof over your head, for the friends in your life, for your health. It could all be gone in a split second. Tell the ones you love that you love them every day, don’t wait, they could be gone in a New York Minute, don’t ever have regrets.

See everyone on Friday.




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