Posts Tagged ‘nausea


blah! and WOW (edited)

blahI couldn’t sleep last night, I’m tired, frustrated, sick to my stomach, yet so hungry, I have a headache, I need to clean my apartment, get ready for TWO shows this week. I am having a very special show tomorrow night about Juvenile Arthritis, so tune in for that!

Blah anyhow…I have to go now and TRY to make myself eat something, TRY to clean my apartment and TRY to get my shit done. I don’t feel like it. All I really want to do is medicate myself and go back to bed… I HATE CHEMO!


I just went to Pogo to check on things and I went to read Ms. Netiquette’s column (I read it every week haha) And was shocked to see the letter I wrote to her there. I didn’t figure it would get published this fast, if at ALL. So I was pleasantly surprised! haha Anyhow, here is the letter and her response. Now I am gone to get my stuff done!


I’m out.


32 to go…

CancerSucks1Day three of radiation and it’s already making me so fatigued and weak. The last time I did radiation it took about a week to make me feel like shit, but this time it started on day one. I have puked in the radiation room so far all three days *SIGH*. I went to bed last night at 7:30pm and slept until about 6:30 this morning. That is NOT me. I usually don’t go to bed until late and sleep about 4-6 hours. Yesterday, I did nothing, I just laid on my bed most of the day…my daughter and her boyfriend Jon brought me a subway club sandwich or I wouldn’t have even eaten yesterday.

I am sitting here doing dialysis, blood in, blood out. That wears me out too. The two combined are awful. I don’t want to end up just laying in the bed for the next 7 weeks. I want to get my station started, I have league stuff I need to do….AHHHHHH I hate this!!! I don’t know what is worse, the headaches and seizures or the radiation. They wanted me to do chemo too, GOOD GOD, there is no way I could even function if I had said yes to the chemo AGAIN. I swore the last time I did it I would never do it again…I’ve had too much chemo for any one person….no more. I don’t care what they say. If chemo is the only thing to save me then I will just go out gracefully….

I think I need more zofran for my nausea, my phenegran is not working. My doctor will write it, but I can’t afford to pay for it *le sigh*. I am so sick of this…I want my fucking disability already and my medicaid!! I need Medicaid so bad, it will not only pay for most of my meds and my dialysis supplies, but it will also pay for the pump to hook to my feeding tube that will do it slow and RIGHT. When I do it myself I do it too fast and it makes me hurt so bad I think I will die…gives me sweats, cramps that are so bad they make me curl up in a ball and cry. It will also pay for the surgery on my spine/neck to help me…my arms are getting worse because of the disc in my neck pushing on the nerve root. It’s painful and makes my arms so weak it’s hard to type, hard to pick up anything…my left hand/arm is the worst and I am left-handed…it pisses me off. If it’s not one thing, it’s another hitting me.

When are better days going to come for me? I just want a few good days in all this shit. Just a few–I don’t think that’s too much to ask, is it? I’m so frustrated, so tired…somedays I am tired of suffering and fighting for my life. It is getting harder and harder to handle. Before I could push myself, make myself do it…right now I feel I have no purpose, I am not DJing right now…I miss it. It made me feel like I had a purpose–like I was “working”. I miss working..I NEED to DJ…I need to have something to make me push myself…ah well…

Ok, I am done typing. Going to play a game or watch TV on Hulu or Joost I guess, if I can stay awake 😐 . I’m out….

BTW–If any of you bought Fuze Slenderize drinks, their is a lawsuit against them. You can file a claim HERE <–click. I love Fuze, never had the slenderize…but if any of YOU did, file your claims now.



I have been VERY ill that past few days. I have literally slept since Friday night. It started out with tummy cramps, nausea, vomiting…then it went to leg and back cramping…foggy head, confusion, high fever, clammy skin…I am on fluids at home now because I am dehydrated…I wanted to say thank you to those who have been worried and who have either written me an email or asked my family about me…I am alive…

In the next day or so I will be writing  a post…and possibly more in the future..that will be password protected. IF you wish to read it, I will be more than happy to give you the password, there are just a few prying eyes that I don’t want to read it. So email me @ quiet.rage at 🙂 and I will give you the PW….

I’m gonna rest again…Write more later.. - The internets fastest growing blog directory

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