Posts Tagged ‘pogo

08
Jul
09

another reason humans piss me OFF…

So I am playing at Pogo today, just TRYING to relax. They have the new Boggle game there (yes it’s the old board game Boggle, but funner haha). I am playing, enjoying myself quietly, figuring this was stimulating my brain–the chemo makes me so foggy and my memory is not what it used to be. I smile to myself and feel good because I am remembering words from dictionaries I used to read (haha yes I used to read the dictionary) and I am flying through the game (I also type 80 WPM on a good day).

You cannot chat between rounds, so you don’t give away words to people, which I think is GOOD, and I usually don’t chat anyhow.  At the end one of the games I was “MVP” and my score was 211 which is REALLY high. I got giddy and felt GOOD about myself until a few people in the chat room start saying “No way you can get that score..” and “Oh some one is using a bot”….A BOT?!?!?! I typed in  “I am human, thanks…” and continued to play, after every round they kept talking about how it sucked that some people cheated, etc., etc. It REALLY hurt my feelings, so I just left the game room and I cried.

I can’t help it that I am smart, that I am Autistic and retain things. I wasn’t cheating, I was only playing the fucking game and enjoying myself, but of course you get a few stupid humans who want to cause trouble and upset people…I wanted to type in the chat “Hey I am Autistic with an IQ of 162, don’t be pissed if  I am smarter than you.” But I didn’t. I just left. Now I am scared to go play Boggle again, no matter what game room I am in, because I don’t want to be treated like that again. IT HURTS. I’m a very nice, quiet and gentle person…I don’t start trouble, hell as I said I RARELY even chat, so please don’t start shit with me. I don’t need it!!! It’s abusive and I don’t need it!!

LOOK people. If you see someone winning and excelling at a game don’t just assume they are cheaters. I KNOW some people do cheat and that sucks, but don’t be MEAN to some one when you don’t know their story. I am sensitive and YOU HURT ME!!! I am sick, weak, going through this fucking chemo and I didn’t need that crap today..Hell I haven’t even FELT like being on pogo at all until today…..and of course it had to get RUINED.

I hate mean people, they SUCK. Just leave me ALONE!!!!

meanpeoplesuck2

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27
Mar
09

omg i am posting!

dog-tiredGod it’s been a hectic few days. I had my 2 MRI’s on Wednesday (already got the results as well and will talk about that in a few), the dye always makes me feel so shitty. Went to bed Wed. night and couldn’t really sleep because I felt so crappy. My sister has been having some major problems (not the one I am pissed at), so I get a phone call at 5:00am, she was screaming in pain, begging me to take her to the ER. As you know I am legally blind, and they took my license, but hearing my sister, who I do love, screaming in pain, I couldn’t say no…so we got her to her car, and I drove her car to the emergency room. We got there about 5:30am. They took her straight back, the doctor did blood cultures, etc. She has a major infection, so they sent her to emergency surgery to clean out the wound and put her in the hospital. Needless to say, it was just me and her there, I had to do things that a brother really doesn’t WANT to do, but I love her and did it anyhow. Like taking her clothes off, panties and all, and getting her into her hospital gown. I had to help her to the bathroom for a urine sample and hold the cup between her legs while she peed, because her pain was SO, SO bad. *SIGH* I did it all, I did it for her. I was SO pissed at her sorry husband though. Not only did he NOT go to the ER with us, he wasn’t there AT ALL. I was at the hospital with her ALL day yesterday, up until they finally got her out of surgery and up to her room. I was going to leave then, but she needed me. So I stayed a bit longer, helped her eat, got her all settled in her hospital bed. Checked her wound for her, all those good things. STILL her husband wasn’t there for her. I hope this makes her see that he is NOT dependable. GOD, I wish I could beat some sense into him, but I don’t think even that would do any good. ANYHOW, she is still in a lot of pain, but it’s some better. They have her on IV antibiotics and demerol for the pain. I just got off the phone with her and I think the surgeon is going to keep her at least another day, if not two, because they want to make sure all the infection is gone and not in her bloodstream.

I got home late yesterday afternoon and I was so exhausted that I ate a little and went to bed. I slept for 14 hours HAHA. I’m sick and weak and having to do all I did for my sister yesterday just zapped me. I am going to rest most of the day today because I promised my little girl I would take her to see Monsters VS. Aliens tonight HAHA. That will wear me out too, but it’s SO worth it! I love watching her get so excited when we get to do things together, I love making her happy! So we will probably go grab a bite to eat, go see my sister at the hospital, then head to the movies.

Now, my MRI. One good thing, there are no new tumors, THANK GOD, BUT, one of my small tumors IS growing, it’s grown about 3.2 CM. So they are going to want to do radiation and chemo again. I AM NOT doing chemo. I don’t know how long I have left, a day, a week, a month,  a year, but I do know I am not going to allow chemotherapy to ruin what little quality of life I do have. I will do their radiation, and hope that by itself will shrink the tumor. FUCK CHEMO! If the tumor doesn’t respond to the radiation, then it will just have to grow and grow until it takes me out. I can’t go through chemo again, I just can’t *SIGH*. There are some new lesions on my brain “consistent with trauma”, in the frontal lobe areas and the brain stem area. Which means the last time “Dad” paid me a visit a few months ago caused more trauma and damage to my brain. All these kicks, hits and stomps to my head over the years have really fucked up my brain *SIGH*. As if I need MORE problems with things like that. That motherfucker! I was already diagnosed with MTBI (mild traumatic brain injury) because of all the beatings over the years. He just HAD to cause more damage, didn’t he? *SIGH* I hate him SO much! Anyhow, enough about that bastard. So since there are no new tumors, they are going to check my heart and inner ears and see if we can find the reason for my extreme vertigo. Wish me luck.

Tomorrow is the monthly all nighter with my league at Pogo. We always have SO much fun when we have the all nighter. We run tournaments as long as we have players!! Last month we were up until 6:00am, and we all laughed until we hurt! If you play at Pogo.com  and want a fun, great league to join, just comment me here and I will give you the link. We are like a big family, we laugh and have fun all the time! So I can’t wait to do that tomorrow night, because I always laugh so much, and I always go to bed smiling.

Ok my hands are hurting. Going to stop typing for now. I am going to kick back, catch up on my House episodes and America’s Next Top Model (my guilty pleasure) episodes on Hulu.com and Joost.com(I am so addicted to these sites haha). If you guys are members, let me know and I can add you to my friends list there!

I’m out!

24
Jan
09

Happy Birthday To Me!!!

Today is my birthday…I am letting the cat out of the bag and saying yes it is my milestone 4oth birthday! Most people I have told don’t believe me, they think I am in my upper 20’s-lower 30’s…So yes, Lordy, Lordy, V is 40! HAHAHA

I got some nice gifts —  D got me a LOVELY basket of “spa” products, things I SO needed and some more fuzzy socks for my cold feet! THANK YOU baby so much! Jerilyn got me a year’s club pogo membership and a birthday cake! THANK YOU!!  Erin and Nari made me THE cutest piggy bank (that they decorated/painted themselves)!! She got me some books, A Lick Of Frost, Grimm’s Fairytales, Lover Awakened and Lover Revealed from The Black Dagger Brotherhood series I have been reading. THANK YOU SWEETIE!! Kevin got me some cookware I needed desperately and some PJ bottoms and a hoodie, they haven’t gotten here yet, but will SOON. Rusty is making me a ginger cake YUM, and she is going to send it to me. My daughter and sister took me out for Mexican last night, so all in all it’s been a WONDERFUL birthday so far!

Later tonight, my league at Pogo is going to have a big birthday bash for me at 9:00 pm ET, in pogo. My friends will be there, Dori is coming, Happy will be DJing my party, it’s going to be so much fun. You still have time to get a club pogo membership from me and come tonight. I would love to have you there!!! Leave me a comment here and we will work it out!

Here are some pics of my cake and gifts:

cake

cakebasket

piggybank2

piggybank

My Boo Eating My Cake! HAHA

My Boo Eating My Cake! HAHA

Thanks again, so far, it’s been a birthday far beyond anything I ever expected!! I love you all!!

15
Jan
09

no catchy subject today…

Well, we got snowed in this morning and I was not able to go to my SS appointment OR the neuro, but the lady from the SS office called me and we did my application over the phone and she is going to let me bring in my MRI reports and other medical records I want to go with the application to the DDU (Disability Determination Unit). She was VERY nice and that was a good thing for me, it made the process a bit easier. She was very understanding and kept saying “Bless your heart”, to everything I told her that was wrong…I wanted to say–make a note lady saying “The guy REALLY is sick, give him the damn disability already” HAHAHA.

The neuro appointment I am going to re-schedule. I saw my regular doctor yesterday, he was worried about my TIA’s and said I would probably have to go on Plavix, but he wasn’t going to give it to me until I saw the neurologist and got his opinion on it, because it can be dangerous. Joy, joy, that’s what I need, more dangerous medications.

Speaking of meds, I got my Neurontin yesterday. Chris (the patient advocate) saw me walking in the hall of the clinic and pulled me into his office. I just love him to bits, he’s gay and SO nice, sweet and funny. He really tries his dead level best to get my meds as cheap as he can or for free. I got three HUGE pharmacy bottles of Neurontin. I started titrating the dosage yesterday, I took one, today I will take two and tomorrow I will take three and will stay at three a day for a while (900 mg’s a day) and my dr. said we can work up to 4800 mg’s a day if needed, WOW, 4800 mg’s, sheesh. When I was naming off my medications to the lady at the SS office, she was astonished at how many I am on, I had to laugh at her. Shit I am on so many that I forget what they are unless I put the bottles in front of me. I am forever starting “new meds”. I started the Neurontin yesterday along with a muscle relaxer. The muscle relaxer is suppose to “try” to help my massive spasms in my neck that are straightening my spine *le sigh*. I swear to GOD I am a walking pharmacy…anyone need anything??? LMAO!!!

I am sitting up here in bed, on the  laptop, looking out my window. It is snowing, fucking cold and pretty outside. We are suppose to have the coldest weather yet this year today and tomorrow. We are only going to have a high in the lower teens today and tonight a low of 4 degrees with wind chills well below zero. My ass is staying INSIDE. Tomorrow is more of the same, brrrrrrrr.

Now on to FOOD, one of my favorite subjects haha!! I have a roast cooking on low in my crock pot, YUM. I have potatoes, carrots and sweet vidalia onions in there with it. I can’t wait to eat it later this evening haha. D always says, “Ewww you are eating flesh again?”. Mmm, yes baby, I am hahaha. Weird how I am such a meat eater and she is such a vegetarian, but we still love each other, don’t we honey? hehehehe…

I am still weak from the TIA’s, sleepy and dizzy from all the meds…I just want to lay in bed and do nothing but sleep and maybe play pogo. Do any of you play Pogo? If you do, tell me, we could play some games together. I don’t really play games with strangers, I guess it’s part of my autism, but I worry they will be mean to me *sigh*. I get sick of playing the robots sometimes. I have a club pogo membership, D and Jerilyn always make sure it’s paid up by the year for me, because I don’t do much else online but blog, DJ and play pogo. So I am thankfully that they let me have my paid membership. If any of you play and want to try the club pogo, I can give you a free five day guest pass, weeee! Just let me know!!

Ok I am done typing, my eyes are unfocused and my arms and hands hurt. More later!!!!




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