Be vigilant…Be aware!

Parents, you need to be aware of the signs of child sexual abuse. Back when my abuse was going on, there weren’t web sites to help my mother understand what was happening to me. I was told not to tell, actually threatened and scared into not telling, I was taught to clean any blood from my underwear, things like that *SIGH*. “Dad” was very thorough, he was making sure there was no way my mother could find things to show my abuse. Now some of my bruises, cuts, etc. maybe Mama should have questioned more, but “Dad” took advantage of my clumsiness and autism to say that I “fell” or whatever. 😦  But parents today NEED to pay attention to their children, look for the signs! DO NOT hesitate for ONE moment if your child is silently crying out for help, please.

Sexual abuse is any kind of sexual contact between a child and an adult or much older child/teenager.  The abuse usually comes after the child is “groomed”/enticed.

What is grooming? Grooming is when an adult  “befriends” the victim. Make them feel like they are loved and cared for when the whole world might be against them. The adult gets the child to trust them before taking it to the next level.

1. Giving the child money or gifts
2. Allowing the child to get away with things the parent wouldn’t
3. Hugging, kissing or other contact with the child, even if the child may not want the contact.
4. Showing pornography to the child
5. Talking about sexual topics with the child
6. “Accidentally” walking in on the child while the child is dressing, in the bathroom, etc.
7. Telling the child that he/she is the only one who really loves them, cares, etc.
8. Grooming over the internet can include pretending he/she understands the child’s problems, he/she may pose as a child themselves.

Signs of sexual abuse in children:

1.  Bed wetting
2.  Excess masturbation
3.  Complaints of pain during urination or bowel movements
4.  Exhibiting signs of urinary tract infections, or other signs of sexually transmitted diseases
5.  Showing aggressive behavior towards friends, family, teacher, etc.
6. Signs of trauma to the genital area/anus, mouth irritation
7. Loss of appetite
8. Unusual gagging
9. Fear of certain locations, sounds, smells, etc.
10. Engaging in sexual behavior with friends, stuffed animals or (God forbid) pets
11. Unexplained periods of panic (flashbacks)
12. Regressing to behaviors that are too young for their age group
13. Unexplained health problems
14. Showing knowledge of adult sexual behaviors
15. Withdrawing from friends, family and activities previously enjoyed
16. Self mutilation–cutting, stabbing with pens, pencils, hair pulling, etc.
17. Showing sudden fear of being alone with a certain person
18. Blood or other fluids in the panties/underwear
19. Excessive crying
20. Lost of self esteem
21. Irritability
22. Nightmares or other sleep disturbances

What constitutes sexual abuse:

1. Rape
2. Incest
3. Voyeurism
4. Statutory Rape
5. Indecent Exposure
6. Molestation
7. Pornography
8. Engaging a minor in sexual talk online

The abuser can be ANYONE, teachers, preachers/priests, family, friends, policemen. ANYONE. Abuse happens in all ethnic backgrounds, all socio-economic backgrounds. Never doubt your own intuition or things your child tells you. They may even “hint” and not come right out with it. Listen and pay attention.

Some people say “Why doesn’t the child tell?” Well first off, we can be terribly threatened (Read my blog When I Learned To Never Tell). We have fear also that no one would believe us, we fear causing trouble, we fear being taken away from our parents (if the abuser is not a parent), we fear the abuser may kill or hurt other family members. We might feel too ashamed or embarrassed to tell. Some children can’t find the words TO tell. Pay ATTENTION to your children and their actions!

Understand that we as victims no matter how young we are feel rage, hate, shame, guilt, fear. We feel isolated, alone, we feel sad.

How do you approach your child and talk to him/her?

Do:

1. BELIEVE your child! Children RARELY lie about abuse. Usually the only reason one will lie about being abused is if they are coerced into lying by another adult. Example–In a divorce/child custody proceeding.
2. LISTEN to your child! Take them to a quiet place where you can be alone, where no one can possibly over hear the conversation. Give your child your FULL attention.
3. BE CALM! Crying, yelling, etc., will only scare us into shutting up—withdrawing from you!
4. REASSURE! Reassure your child that everything is going to be ok. Tell your child that he/she is NOT bad and that it is NOT their fault.
5. PRAISE your child! Tell your child how good it is that she/he told you what is going on. Let them know they are RIGHT and GOOD.
6. RESPECT your child’s privacy! DO NOT discuss what has happened in front of other people who do not need to know.
7. GET HELP! Report the abuse to the proper authorities, get therapy for your child AND for yourself. Get your child to a MEDICAL doctor!

Do NOT:

1. Scream or yell. Do not show the anger you might be feeling.
2. Threaten the abuser in front of the child.
3. BLAME the child. NEVER blame the child. Sexual abuse is never a child’s fault!

Remember, the abuser counts on SILENCE, not only from the child but from YOU, the parent. Abuse does not “go away”, take action for your child. Get help. Do not ignore it.

A few facts about child sexual abuse:

• 1 in every 3 girls and 1 in every five boys will be victims of some kind of sexual assault before the age of 18. (Scary statistics aren’t they?)
• Over 40 million (YES MILLION) adults living in the US right now were victims of some kind of sexual abuse as children.
• In over 80% of the cases, the abuser is someone the child knows. Most often a relative or family friend.
• 1 in 5 rapes of children are under age 12. A startling 1 in 10 are under age FIVE.
• Two thirds of sex offenders in prison victimized a child.
• Over 75% of children will DENY abuse when first asked.
• Young children that are victims of incest (like myself) may not UNDERSTAND that it is abuse at first.
• An average of 5 out of 10,000 children in daycare are sexually abused.
• An average of 9 out of 10,000 children are sexually abused in their homes.
• Girls are more likely than boys to disclose sexual abuse.
• Adolescent boys and girls with a history of sexual abuse are at an increase risk for eating disorders such as anorexia or bulimia.

Those are just a FEW facts. Every child that is abused can grow up with different problems–we NEED to stop the abuse. Pay attention to your children, don’t let them end up being like me…please.

This is the stuff that PISSES me off!

Minn. baby sitter admits using child in porn film:

A Minnesota man has pleaded guilty to answering an online advertisement for baby-sitting work and then using the client’s child to make a pornographic video.

In a plea deal with federal prosecutors, Aaron Jay Lemon admitted Wednesday to producing the video. The 23-year-old from Little Canada also admitted to coercing a minor to engage in sexually explicit conduct.

The plea agreement says Lemon filmed the child in St. Paul after seeking the baby-sitting job through Craigslist. St. Paul police say the victim was a 2-year-old girl.

The U.S. attorney’s office says the case was part of a project that encourages agencies to investigate the sexual exploitation of children over the Internet.

The office says Lemon faces a maximum of 30 years in prison.

—————

A TWO YEAR OLD BABY??? I am fuming over this! A pitiful maximum of 30 years for taking away a child’s innocence??  He will end up like most pedophiles, 2 years or less in prison (if that),  then get out and hurt more kids. How about the DEATH penalty? That is what this man did when he coerced this BABY! When we are abused it is like a death sentence, so why should the perpetrator get any less? Especially when it’s a proven fact that pedophiles cannot be rehabilitated. Our justice system keeps letting creeps like this out over and over again, allowing them to harm MORE children.

And I also have to ask this question about the parents of this child? What in the HELL were you thinking? Hiring a babysitter from Craigslist? COME ON. Did the parents even bother to check this MAN out. Why oh why would parents hire a MAN to babysit? A grown man, not a teenager? It makes me shudder and it makes me angry. You should NEVER leave your children with someone without giving them a background check. Sure it costs money to do that, but isn’t your child’s innocence, your child’s life worth the price? I am blessed that when I raised my oldest alone I had my Mama to help babysit her while I was working. She was NEVER left with a babysitter I had just met. I guess being  horribly abused made ME stop and think. Parents please, your children can’t fight for themselves, they depend on YOU. Don’t just throw them off on anyone. *SIGH* My “Dad” photographed and filmed things he did to me too. I have an awful fear that there ARE images of me as a young boy being raped–and many other things. I don’t understand how adults can do this to children.

I will pray for this baby, God bless her. I hope someone puts that man UNDER the prison. *fumes*

Stop Child Porn!